confidence

"For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you,

for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my souls knows it very well." 

Psalm 139 : 13 - 14 

Hey guys!! I hope you all are doing AMAZING! I have been feeling so good lately, and I pray all of you have been as well (OR that good feelings are coming your way). I just got back from a week at the beach with my family. We are becoming a more competitive crew everyday, and I absolutely LOVE it. It forces us to spend even more time together, and if you cannot tell, I am obsessed with them. 

Enough with all that, let's talk about confidence! 

I would say I do not struggle with being confident regularly these days, but that was not always the case. I think everyone has their moments where they are unhappy about a certain "flaw". Sadly, some of us have those moments more than others. I am here to hopefully shed some light, and change the way you think about not only yourself but others around you. 

Key things to remember :

- Interior beauty will always intensify your exterior beauty. Your heart is some thing you should look at first. Being a good person is the best trait to have. 
- You are your toughest critic. No one can beat you down more than yourself. I am certain that there are many flaws you beat yourself up over that most people do not even notice. 

- Beauty is subjective. What you envy in others or love about yourself... Someone else may not like as much as you. Understand that not everyone finds the same things "beautiful". We are human, and we have various ways of seeing things. A sunset is beautiful. A waterfall is beautiful. Some may like one more than the other, but it doesn't mean one is not beautiful. 

- It is important to distinguish being self-confident v. being self-absorbed. You can be happy with the way you look without thinking you are better than the person next to you. Beauty is subjective but NOT negotiable. 

- Build others up. Not only are making other people's days better, you will become so accustomed to seeing others positively that you may begin to see yourself positively as well. Don't think "Her hair is pretty. I wish my hair was like that." Think "Her hair is pretty, and it suits her." Leave it at that. You suits you. Whatever that person has suits them. 

From about twelve till almost fourteen, I struggled with confidence. I was already almost 5'9 by this point. I was noticeably taller than my friends, and boys had not gone through their serious growth spurts yet. I was extremely thin, and there was really nothing curvy about me. Because of my not-so-great gut health, my stomach would bloat, and (sometimes) be extremely noticeable. I was on a swim team at age 13, and one girl would only refer to me as "pregnant lady". One time in particular, I was on a diving board next to her. She yelled out, "Everyone look!! I am going against pregnant lady!!!" Comments about my height started coming. People would often tell me how pretty my sister, Anastasia, was, and forget to mention anything about me. I began to struggle. My oldest sister, Kristen, stepped in to always be there to talk, and to listen to me. She is also tall, and would tell me her experiences. She always made me feel like I was not alone. I got my first "real boyfriend" around this time. It lasted a month, and when it was over, I realized I don't need a boyfriend to make me feel any prettier. A lot of people are lucky enough to know a partner does not determine how attractive you are, but at the time, I had to actually come to that realization. 

By the time, I got to high school. I had gained a little bit of healthy weight. With the help of my sister and my revelation that boyfriends don't make me any more or less pretty, I went into high school confident. I stopped caring what others thought, and thank goodness, I did. The comments increased a lot once I was through with homeschool, and went to an actual school. 

Here are some of my favorite lines told to me in high school : 

• "Someone said your voice is really deep... like a man's."
• "Freakin giant"
• "Why is your gut sticking out like that?"
• "Did you grow over the weekend?" (a personal favorite, because I was asked this A LOT. I have been the same height since around 13 years old.) 
• "You don't need heels. You are already too tall." 
• ETC. 

I have LITERALLY been stopped in restaurants and other places to be told that I am tall. I am being completely honest here, and I have had witnesses there who heard this. Now, I am not stating this for pity or to be complimented. My freshmen year I cried hearing some of these comments. By sophomore year, I would actually laugh. I want you all to hear what people have said to me, because I want you to know my journey with confidence has not always been easy.  

So, how does one stay confident with remarks like those? 

I forced myself to believe that my height is one of my favorite things about myself. It makes me standout. Now, I really do believe that. For so long, I wanted to be shorter. Then, I realized... I was not made to be short. I was asked the other day by a stranger, "why do you have to be so tall?" Because God made me THIS height... 5'8 1/2 to be exact. Maybe, you think that is really tall. Maybe, you think I am not that tall, and cannot understand why people comment so much. Maybe, you think it is the perfect height. The point is... It does not matter what you think at all. At the end of the day, there is nothing I can do to change ANYthing about myself, and I am 100% okay with that. 

On the other hand, here are some of my favorite things said to me : 

• "You are really tall. Do you model?"
• "I love your blue eyes."
• "You should be happy more often. It looks good on you."
• "You have a really nice smile." 
• ETC. 

I am not saying these to brag. I am saying that although I have received my fair share of rude comments... I have also received my fair share of nice ones. It is way to easy to hear a negative comment, and focus on that. As I mentioned earlier, beauty is subjective. I never hated anyone for saying something about me negatively. I am okay with the fact that there will always be someone I may find more attractive than myself. I am okay with people not liking something about me. Is it nice that people have to say something negative? No. But will it possibly happen? Yeah most likely. Will it hurt? It may, and that's okay. People being mean is just how life is sometimes, but you get the choice on how you want to handle it. 

At the end of the day, you have to remember that God made you to be you. He thought your height would be just right. He thought the way your smile curves would be just right. He thought the color of your eyes would be just right. (You get the point.) AND GUESS WHAT?? He was just right. If you have not been complimented recently, I will! I do not need to see you to know that you were made just right... that you were made to be unique... that you were made to be beautiful (or handsome!! Don't think I forgot about my male audience. You men are beautiful as well!) Embrace the way you look. Do NOT be any less you for someone else. It is okay to like the way you look, and be sure to spread that positivity on to others. 

Lastly, you ALL are so loved and appreciated! <3 <3 Thank you for reading my blog. Exciting things are in the works, and I am continually thinking of content to post. So, be on the lookout!! Please continue praying for my grandmother (heart failure / other health issues) and my cousin (recovering from a brain tumor removal). 

If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns regarding ANY of my blogs (or need someone to talk to), please do not hesitate to talk with me. I love hearing from you guys, and it is a HUGE reason why I blog. I want to hear from you!

Instagram : newkindofliving 
Email : newkindofliving@gmail.com

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!