am i still terrified of change?

"Jesus Christ is

the same 

yesterday and today 

and forever."

Hebrews 13:8

Hey guys!! I hope you all have been doing amazing! I am a week late with this blog post lol. My childhood best friend moved across the country three years ago, and she stayed at my house for a few days for the first time since she left. I wanted to focus on her, and not worry about getting a blog out on time. I had such an amazing time catching up with her. Our relationship literally has not changed a bit despite the distance and lack of communication. It felt like she  had never left. Our stomachs hurt terribly from laughing, and also from eating everything that we crossed paths with. It was hard to watch her leave again. My selfish side wanted her to just stay and to be my neighbor again; however, she is thriving in her new environment. I am constantly reminding myself that as much as I want and need her here with me... Her well-being and happiness mean so much more to me. 

(My best friend and I!! If you do not follow me on social media, I am the one in the striped shorts. We found that pink wall on the top of a random parking garage.)

Onto today's blog... Am I still terrified of change? The short answer to this question is yes and no. If you have been keeping up with my blogs, you know by now that I struggle with change, and I am really hard on myself when any little thing changes in my life. A LOT of people who struggle with anxiety struggle with the idea of change / actual changes. Sometimes, it is just easier to have a routine, and just have a better idea of what is in store for tomorrow. Is that a good way to live? NO! Life is always going to be full of both good and bad changes. 

Since graduating from high school, my life has been constantly changing. When everything starting changing, I definitely struggled with feeling like I could not get a grip on my life. Depending on the season of life I was going through, my prayers were full of "Is this really what You want me to do? I thought you wanted me to go to school." "God, why did you take certain people out of my life? Why does 'so and so' from high school not talk to me? We used to be such good friends." "God, why can't you just give me a job? I hate waking up and knowing I have nowhere to be and no purpose!!" "God, why are You putting me through this? Do you really think ME of all people is strong enough to go through this?" "Why God?!" 

And then one morning in January, I woke up, and my mindset completely flipped. All I could see was why I went through so much. One day, I was mad and full of angry / tearful questions towards God, and the next, I had this hope and fire for what God had in store for me. A lot of my family picked up on this change in me. My mom was one who especially noticed. My mom and I were talking with my best friend when she was over, and we were just like word-vomiting updates to each other. My mom interjected at one point, and told my friend, "She woke up one morning, got out of bed, and you could just tell she was not the same." 

(I took this picture after my sister, her boyfriend, and I had picked tons of peaches from an orchard. We were allowed to pick them

for free! Sorry the font is kind of hard to read! I have been testing out new fonts to caption pictures and different edits.)

As the months have passed, I still have my moments of anxiety. I still will get anxious facing different changes. I still have moments when I ask "God, why?" But at the end of the day, I realize it does not matter if I do not understand in the moment. My work schedule changes. My sister, Anastasia (aka my best friend), and I have rocky moments in our relationship. I am not saying everything is perfect, and that I respond to every situation smiling from ear to ear. But as each day comes and goes, I stand firm in knowing that I will ALWAYS have a constant relationship with God. God's love for me NEVER will change. No matter how hard it is to understand every situation I know God will never EVER leave my side. How can I not be comforted by that? 

To wrap this up, I no longer look at change as a deep, black hole that will swallow me up. Although, anxiety is still a constant struggle, I am learning it does not have full control over me. If I get scared, I do not get frustrated with myself. Sometimes, it is just best to force myself to realize... there is always something to be thankful for. Those things aren't always the easiest to see, but that does not mean they are not there. If you take only one thing away from this, let it be this : 

You never know what the future holds, but God does. 

(I love taking pictures of the sky. I was in the car with Melody and my sister. My sister stopped in the middle of the road for me to lean over her, and take this picture. [We checked our surroundings for cars first though hahaha.])

Lastly, you ALL are loved and appreciated! <3 <3 Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. If you have any questions / comments / concerns regarding ANY of my blogs, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to hear what you have to say! Please keep praying for my grandmother (heart failure that causes other health issues) and my cousin (recovering from a brain tumor removal). Now, go prosper, love others, and be the light God calls us all to be! 

Instagram : Newkindofliving 
Email : newkindofliving@gmail.com

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!