i'm stressed... here's why

"Therefore I tell you,

Do not be anxious about your life, 

what you will eat 

or what you will drink, 

nor about your body, 

what will you put on.

Is life not more than food, 

and the body more than clothing." 

Matthew 6:25

Hey guys!! I hope you all have been doing well. It feels like forever since I am writing about just being stressed out. However, I like to keep it as open and real as possible on here. So with that being said, let me tell you why I am stressed out. 

I am stressed, because I am such a control freak when it comes to life. I want to know everything that is going to happen... How long will I work at this particular job... Who I will marry and when... Where I will live... When I will have kids... etc. Obviously, this kind of stuff is completely out of my control. Now, I think everyone wonders and worries about what their futures will look like. I think a huge reason why I am stressing about my future even more now is because I have been getting lied to a lot these days. (I will elaborate on this later on in a blog.) It is just natural to be curious where we will end up in life. These months since I have dropped out of college have been insane... Both good and bad. In high school, I had my entire life planned out, and I was confident in this plan. So when my life suddenly changed over the summer when I started to get this strong feeling that college was not in this plan, I began to freak out. I did hide this from everyone for awhile. How can you tell your family and your boyfriend that you are not going to college?? 

I remember thinking "I cannot imagine anything." I have always been able to pretty much imagine where my life would be the next year. Obviously in high school, the next year would be me in the next grade. When I was senior, I should have been able to easily imagine myself in college, and most likely, I was still going to be with my ex. When I started to realize, I could not picture either of these. I remember thinking that God was wanting to rip me apart to test me. But was that really what He was trying to do?

So now, here I am with an amazing job and no boyfriend. My mental health has completely done a 180. Now, of course, I am still human. I still have anxiety. Although I have no idea what my future holds, I have so much hope in it. My perspective on everything has changed. I am happy to wake up in the morning, and to just live. However, recently, I am having to take a step back and take a deep breath a little more frequently. It is easy for me to wonder where I will be in the next month... the next year... the next five years. It can be hard for me to get my mind back on track, because for the first time in years, I realize I do not always have control over the next chapter in my life. Somedays, that is exciting, and I am overjoyed to see what God will do with me. Then, there is times like now where I am like wanting to know right this instant what God will do for me. 

Stressing over "what will be my tomorrow?" makes me stress over tiny things. I have a lot of ideas for different things that could potentially help me make money. I would love to run an online business. My mom also has always wanted to do something like that. I did have a little company back when I was in third grade with my mom, but it did not last super long. Both of us want it, but the question is "Just what kind of online business?" I have short stories I want to publish as an ebook. I have a little book that I wrote when I was a junior in high school that I also want to publish. I am working on a book all about Anastasia, my sister. She says and does the craziest things, and my stomach will literally hurt while I am writing her book. I am so excited with what's to come with that project, but it all depends on how many weird things she says/does. So, I do not even have a real prediction of when that book will be done. I am constantly brainstorming, but I feel like I am not doing what needs to be done in order to fully accomplish these things. 

I get really stressed about money and my health. Neither of which, I should be stressed about. My parents take care of most of my necessities still, and I am completely healthy. It is just lately I catch myself overanalyzing what I am going to eat in fear of suddenly gaining weight. But then, I will get upset if I feel like I am not gaining enough weight. So, there is a lot of back and forth. As for money, I think way to hard about the future. So, I am always thinking about everything I will have to pay for eventually, and how I need to be careful with my money right now. 

So let's see. I need to wrap this up on a positive note hahaha. Obviously, I just have an issue with overthinking, and I am fully aware that what I am stressed about makes no sense lol. If you would have told me a year ago what my life is like now, I would have laughed, and walked away not giving it a second thought. This chapter in my life has been so full of surprises, and I am so excited to see what else is to come. I cannot wait to look back on times like these, where I am so stressed about my future. I will be able to just laugh at my younger self. Life keeps on going, and sometimes, it goes by too quickly or too slowly. It is just a matter of learning how to go with it.   

Lastly, you ALL are appreciated and loved. When you have moments where you are worried about tomorrow, remember it is all in God's hands, and you just have to trust that He will be right there with you. As always, please keep my grandmother in your prayers. She could always use them. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

let's talk about sex

"But because of the temptation 
to sexual immorality,
each man should have his own wife
and each woman her own 
husband."

1 Corinthians 7:2

Hey guys!! I hope you all are doing well. This is probably the most "controversial" blog I will ever post. I want to make it clear... This is what I believe God wants for me. I am not here to judge you. So please do not take this offensively in any kind of way. My blog is meant for encouragement, and I would never want to upset any of you. 

I am eighteen years old, and I am still a virgin. Despite being in a relationship for four years, I held onto my desire to be abstinent. I have also been very outspoken about it. People would ask about my ex and I's love life, and we would just tell them. I will tell anyone that I am still virgin, and that I am happy to be one. I mean it has also been great to never have a pregnancy scare haha. It seems that more and more people these days see abstinence as this impossible thing. I have had people tell me it is impossible, and well obviously, it is not. I mean I am just as human as anyone else, and it has been possible for me.

See humans are incredibly curious. It is why people pick up really bad habits. They just wanted to try a cigarette one time, and suddenly, they are addicted. Once you have sex and know what that feels like, it can be hard to go back to not doing it. For instance, a glazed donut is not a healthy option, and if I never tried one, I would never crave the taste of a glazed donut. However, I know how good a glazed donut is, and I definitely crave one from time to time. Once we have a taste of any kind of pleasure, we will always remember how good it is.

In today's society, we see so much sex in movies and on social media almost constantly. If a guy is a virgin, he is looked down upon, and considered not "fully" a man. Waiting till marriage is sometimes looked at as being "overly religious" and/or "uptight." When a guy has been with many girls, they are cheered for. Abstinence is no longer looked at the way it should be. Instead of it being encouraged, today's society discourages it.  

I am not going to sit here and force anyone to do what I am doing though. That is not what I am here to do, but I know there are still people trying to decide what they want to do. There may also be people who have already lost their virginity, but have decided to move forward and wait till marriage. So, for those of you who are still deciding or have already decided to wait, I never want you to feel alone. It can seem like no one else wants to wait, but that is just not the case. People sometimes just choose to not speak out about it, because they are scared of being ridiculed. 

Many people talk about how they want their first time to be special. What could be more special then your wedding night? You just married someone you want to be with for the rest of your life, and you are bubbling over with joy on your special day. Think of how worth it is to wait for a moment like that. You are able to build a relationship with someone, and truly love them without having sex. You are strengthening a relationship in many ways by both agreeing to abstain. When it comes time for that, it will be worth the wait. 

For those who may have lost their virginity, but have decided to move forward and wait till marriage, I just want to encourage you today. I have talked to people in that position, and they feel so much guilt and regret. There is nothing you can do now except continue with your life, and do what you feel is right. Some of us have to learn the hard way with different things. 

I want to wrap this up by saying... Let's just be encouraging to each other. I am not going to shame someone for not waiting, and no one needs to shame me for waiting. It is not for me to say what you can and cannot do. The world is constantly going to change ideas, but just because someone is doing something the "old-fashioned" way, it does not mean they are in the wrong. Someone waiting till marriage is not going to hurt you or anyone else. Someone not waiting till marriage is not going to hurt you or anyone else. 

As always, you are loved and appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! <3 Prayers for my grandmother are still very much appreciated. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

dropping out of college update #1

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him, 

and He will make your paths

straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Hey guys!! I hope you all have been doing well. Since I write every other week, I have found a lot can happen in between blogs. However, I cannot decide when I will share what happened recently. I will eventually, because it is definitely a story that needs to be told. I can tell you right now that it was terrible when it happened, but now, I just look back on it and laugh. So, there will be a juicy blog in the near future. 

Mental Health Update :

I am still doing really well. I did have a little rough patch recently. However, I have been so determined to not let things get me down to much, and so, I was able to snap out of it pretty quickly. My best friend and I decided that 2019 was going to be our year, and I am so determined to make this year count. 

Let's get on with today's topic. My banner on this blog literally says "the goodie two shoes who dropped out of college," and I hardly talk about it these days hahaha. There is definitely things that need addressing in this blog about being a college dropout. 

(**DISCLAIMER: I will be discussing people's questions/statements about me dropping out of college. If you asked/told me one of these things, I am not offended, and I do not mind the input/questions.)

If you are new and have not read my first blog, let me catch you up quickly. When I was in high school, I was convinced I was going to be either a k4/k5 teacher. I talked about it all the time, and I took college classes that would go towards a bachelor's in Early Childhood Education. I did two different internships at two different schools, and I loved it. However, one day my senior year, I basically just woke up, and did not want to be a teacher. I decided I would study to be an ultrasound technician. Long story short, I dropped out after four days, because it was very clear God had bigger and better plans for me.

So, it has been quite a few months now, and I am a nanny for a really nice family. I adore my job, and look forward to going to work everyday. I have been asked, "What is your dream job?" My dream job is being a stay-at-home mom, but being a nanny is the next best thing. Another very similar question I get asked is, "If you had to go back to college, what would you study?" This is a very difficult question, because I have to think of studying for a job I would not be as happy with. When I get asked this question, my answer is just that I would study to be a teacher. I have been asked this next one by my dad a few times. He will ask, "Is this what you see yourself doing for the rest of your life?" The obvious answer is no, because I want to be a stay-at-home mom. However, if my family were to need extra money, I could easily work a part-time or full-time nanny job. 

The most common question I get asked is, "Will you go back to college?" This is going to sound bad, but my answer sometimes varies. Here's the thing... If God wants me to go back, I will go back that day. As I get older, I learn more and more that God's path is so much more rewarding than my own. I love being a nanny, but God could always have a different plan for me. Very rarely, I will tell people there is always a possibility of me going back. My usual answer is that I do not see that happening, because I just cannot imagine myself going back to school.

It can be discouraging to be a college dropout at times. It does not look good when people do not know the whole story. When I was still in a relationship, I did not really think about it as something that could be seen negatively. It was not until after leaving that relationship that I realized the next guy I am with will have to understand why I made the decisions I did, and that if his family has concerns about it, he will have to figure out how to back me up. This sounds really bad, because it's like "UMMM, why would you go out with someone who does not fully support you?" That is not exactly what I am saying though. Being a college dropout has a bad sound to it, and it is a lot harder than you would think to get people to understand where I am coming from. A lot of times when you are in a relationship, you just do not see things as well (good or bad). So, in this instance, I just did not really see a lot of the negatives with being considered a college dropout in my previous relationship. 

Lastly, I want to make it clear that dropping out of college was the best thing ever for me. I truly am grateful to have the job that I have. The two year old I watch everyday is the cutest little guy. His mom just gave birth to a little baby boy about three weeks ago. So now, I have two little boys to love on. My decision may look a certain way to some people, but it is not going to stop me from doing what I am doing. 

I hope that many (if not everyone) of you can take something away from this blog. If God takes you down a path that isn't the "norm," run to it. It may seem a little worrying at first, but you have no idea how amazing it could be. 

And as always, thank you so much for reading! You all are appreciated and loved! Keep on praying for my grandmother. She has not fully recovered her strength since she got pneumonia/other illnesses a few weeks ago, and she retains a lot of fluid throughout her body. Your prayers are very appreciated! 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!