living and learning

"When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You"

Trust in You - Lauren Daigle

Hey guys! I hope you all have been doing well. Honestly, I am typing this blog without a single idea of what I am going to say hahaha. I am not one to brainstorm. So work with me here. 

I am still working. I love my job. The little two year old I watch is absolutely hilarious, and he is such a great kid. We have a lot of fun together. Whenever I tell someone about my job, I always tell them, "If anyone were to ever walk in on me and ______ (not saying his name for privacy purposes), we would probably be sitting there just laughing at each other." I still get paid $13 an hour. My hours have increased from twenty and a half to twenty-five and a half hours a week. So that is a little bit better than where I was before. I work til five everyday now instead of four. It was an adjustment. Something about getting off at five just made the day seem a lot longer. I am one of those people who likes to wake up earlier and finish sooner. I am not complaining though. I have pretty much adjusted now anyways. 

Let's see as far as my mental health, I have a few things I want to touch on. If you have read pretty much any of my blogs, it is very clear I am an open book about my mental health. I have lightly mentioned that I started having terrible anxiety at the age of five, and I have been like that ever since. I am not on any medication, but I have taken an all natural supplement before. I highly recommend trying those out first! I am not against people who have/are on medication. I, personally, just do not want to go down that road if I can avoid it. My last update on my mental health was really good. I had been feeling a lot better. Overall, I was feeling extremely happy. I will say that soon after posting that I did take a dive down. I have been struggling to get back up, and it is more challenging somedays than other. For instance, I was at work yesterday, and I was just having a not so good day. I had put myself in a bad mood the night before, and I was in a major funk. Now, I am a nanny. I cannot have bad days when my job is to entertain a two year old. I know this will be hard to comprehend, but going to high school really helped with those kind of days. I was surrounded by hilarious people, and whenever I laughed, I always felt so much better. It was easy to get my mind off of negativity  when I had to get work done and friends lol. Usually, many people with my problem are triggered by school, but for me, it was what helped. Anyways, I was down in the dumps, and doing my best to be an upbeat nanny. It is days like those where I just want to curl up in bed, and do absolutely nothing. 

So, why am I sharing this extremely depressing part of my life? Well, I think it is a good reminder not just for me but for all of you. Be aware of your mental health. Don't beat yourself up when you are having a hard time with easy things. It is so easy for me to think "Aw dang, I just posted a blog about how happy I was, and look where I am now." These days we see post after post about self-care, and different little things to do to help ourselves. It is easy to scroll past those posts or to not think to hard about them. Please, take care of yourself. Use this as a reminder. I know many of you are taking your finals/midterms, and if buying yourself an overpriced coffee makes you feel a little more alive, do NOT hesitate to do so. This last week was blah. So, I bought myself a dunkin donuts iced latte, and my whole entire mood changed for a little while. 

Also, go on amazon and buy "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It is a little devotion book with a devotion for each day of the year. It is packed full of SOOO many reminders about what we should be focusing on, and also, it is full of LOTS of encouragement. It is so important for us to understand why we go through hard times, and to not get discouraged and/or frustrated with God. If you have not heard the song "Trust in You" by Lauren Daigle, go check that out ASAP. 

I took this a couple weeks back in a Hobby Lobby parking lot. The leaves were so pretty, and it was raining. My mom was like telling me I had to stop and take a picture. I would say it was worth it hahaha. I took this with an android. It may not be the best quality, but hey, it is not the worst!!

As always, please keep my grandmother in your prayers. She still is not doing well at all. Our hope wavers at times, but we are trusting God. He knows what's best. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

a little too happy

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalms 37:4

I am back! Okay, it is not like I planned to abandon all of you. I had planned on coming back and updating you all. I just did not know when to start back up again. You know how it is... Once you stop something, it is hard to get going again. Shout out to a friend of mine from high school who gave me that extra push I needed lol. I am happy to be back. I have a lot of good stuff to share! (:

I am extremely happy these days. I left off with talking about how I had struggled with some harsh negativity. I was anxious and very lonely. I definitely do not feel like I did then. I have settled into my job, and I absolutely love it. The people I work for are incredibly kind. The little boy I watch is the cutest and funniest little guy. My job has been going very well. Also, my hours are not all that great. I only work about 20 hours a week, and I would prefer to work 30-40 hrs a week. However, I have been able to pick up other babysitting opportunities during the week. I have started up writing again. I am currently writing a book of short stories with very twisted endings hahaha. I love writing, and that is a big reason why I even started this blog. With all the babysitting and writing, I just feel like I am using my time in a more productive way. 

My relationship with my boyfriend has improved as well. Hahaha at least I feel that way. He could be reading this and thinking I am still a little out of my mind. We both work really hard during the week. So when the weekend gets here, we are both free to be with each other. We have seen each other every weekend despite him living two hours away. He is definitely my best friend, and I love spending my weekends with him. 

All in all, I have just been a lot happier. I started taking an all natural supplement for my anxiety after 13 yrs of never taking anything for it. I really do feel a difference though. I was having a panic attack AT LEAST once a week for awhile. I have not had a panic attack for almost two weeks now. I feel like I am in more control of my emotions, and a bit more rational when I get angry (Sometimes!! Hahaha, I am still working on that). I pray a lot as usual, and give God the most credit for helping me to feel so much better. 

Sometimes, I still think about high school, and the social life I once had. The only human interaction during the week is with little ones. I try to snap back out of it, because I am so happy. I am so happy I am not in college, and I am able to do what I absolutely love. But I refuse to lie, and say I do not think about that kind of stuff. It is all a part of this journey. 

Lastly, I want to thank all of you for the support. I see how many of you are reading my blogs, and you all are appreciated. It is such a great feeling to see so many of you reading about my life. I will try to post a blog more often, but if I did weekly, you guys would definitely get bored hahaha. 

I took this photo of my sister holding the most heavenly apple donuts. My sister, my boyfriend, and I all went to an apple orchard. It was super cold, and we were not dressed for that weather hahaha. It was extremely pretty that day though. The sky was blue, and the leaves were super pretty. 10/10 would recommend. 

P.S. Please keep my grandmother in your prayers. She is not doing well at all, and we need a major miracle. I am very close with my grandmother, and I would really appreciate the prayers. I know she would as well. Love you all!! <3

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

feeling good again

May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. 

Psalms 20:4

I am so excited to share that I finally have a job! I am officially a nanny, and I love it. It honestly is such a great feeling to have a purpose. I like waking up and knowing I have a place to be. There is no more of this feeling of being lost. 

My job is currently part-time, but eventually, my hours will become more like a full-time job. I was only supposed to work fifteen hours this week, but I will have worked a total of twenty instead. The little boy I watch goes to daycare twice a week, and it was cancelled due to the hurricane. I will keep you all posted on my hours as they change!

I am so thankful that God found a family for me to work for. There are challenges I am already facing with my new job... Both personally and on the job. The little boy has a hard time with the fact that his parents are at home. This causes more fits and screaming. Other than that, he is honestly really well-behaved, and fun to be around. 

As for my struggles personally, I am still struggling with loneliness and anxiety. I have suffered with anxiety since the age of five. (I will make a whole blog post about that, because anxiety has been a big part of my life.) Something that triggers my anxiety is change, and as of lately, I feel like my life is in constant changing mode. I feel so panicky at times with no one to really talk to. It makes my head spin to just talk to you guys about it. I am just trying to find a balance. I am constantly reminding myself of all the blessings in my life. I am taking it day by day. 

I encourage you all to take a step back. Look at the big picture, and remind yourself of what you are doing. If you are in college, you are working for your own career one day. If you are like me with a new job, you are able to work for your money. Whatever you are doing, there is a reason for it. I hope you all get to follow your dreams like I am. You all deserve it. 

Lastly, I wanted to share a prayer request. My grandmother's heart has not been doing so well. It is very weak, and she has had many procedures done. Luckily, she has a pacemaker and a defibrillator. It is very helpful but still not enough. 

Thank you all for the support and for reading my blog! I will be back next Friday with a new blog. I promise to make a more lighthearted post next Friday! Love and appreciate you all. 

^^^ For now, enjoy this pic of my little dog, Bo Bear. I was hanging up my clean clothes, and he wanted to hang out lol. Also, that weird mark on my thumbnail is from a dog's leash that bent my entire fingernail backyards. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

the waiting game

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

For once, I have big news to share! I have been working this week (part-time). I have been pretty much doing "nanny training" for a family. I will have worked a total of eleven hours by Friday, and making thirteen dollars an hour. I call it "nanny training", because the mom has been at home all week while I watch the little boy. Sometimes, it is both the parents at the same time. I know I said in my last post that I could never do that, but here I am doing it and loving it. Don't knock it til you try it lol. The mom is there to show me how things work around the house and to see how I work as a nanny. 

To be completely honest, I was really nervous going into this. It can be intimidating to play and talk with a little baby with the parents right there. However, they are incredibly nice, and the little boy is the sweetest little guy ever. He loves cars, hugs, and being silly. He is currently one, but will be two in November. 

This has definitely been a journey for me. It has taken patience and sleepless nights to get here. I am still in the waiting process though. As mentioned, I am working part-time this week to see if the family is a good fit for me, and if I am a good fit for them. For all I know, I could be told on Friday that they do not feel like I am the right fit for them. This is an extremely scary thought, because I honestly feel like I get along great with the little guy. I could see myself working for them full-time.

The waiting game is either almost over, or I have a long road ahead of searching some more. I am trusting God through it all. If I do not get this job, I believe He is keeping me out of a situation that I do not want to go through. If I get the job, I will praise Him, and know the wait for a job is over. I will be happy either way, because at the end of the day, I cannot see ahead the way God can. I encourage you all to remember that God puts us in situations for a reason. It is not always easy to understand right away, but eventually, it will be clearer. It is important to stay on the path God is pushing you towards. The path may not always be easy, but it is worth it. Keep going and trusting!

I am writing this on Thursday, and it will be posted tomorrow (Friday). I am hoping to find out this week whether I got the full-time job! Stay tuned to find out!

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

discouragement with unemployment

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. 

Romans 12:12-13

I know this is a crazy thought, but I did not think it would be this difficult after dropping out of college. I did not think I would be sitting around applying to as many jobs as I can and doing absolutely nothing for a whole month. Many would think this is like a vacation. I get to sleep in, and do whatever I want during the day. I have no job and no schoolwork. I am not worried about my next assignment or exam. 

This is no vacation. I do not like sitting around. I liked knowing that when I wake up in the morning I have some kind of purpose and a place to be just like everyone else. However, I do not. My only purpose is looking for a job that would be a great fit for me. I have applied to many. I have talked with two people. The first person told me I would know by the end of the week whether or not I got the job. It has been almost two weeks since she said that, and I was left on read. The second lady I talked with asked me many questions,and told me she/her spouse would be home most of the time. I usually babysit when the parent are not around. It is hard to picture forming a bond with a child clinging on to their parent while the parent is working. 

It is hard to not get frustrated with God. It is hard to stay patient. It is hard to not think about all the "what ifs." "What if I am still unemployed for another month?" "What if I am still unemployed by 2019?" These kind of thoughts haunt me. I lay awake late at night freaking out. I wonder if there was something I did horribly wrong during the first interview. I constantly am repeating the conversations I had with the people I have talked to about getting a job. 

Enough complaining, this is just real life. This is not easy. This is stressful. People forget to check on me, because being out of school sounds like a dream. It gets lonely, and at times, I relate with no one. I am here to say that I am not giving up. I refuse to believe that I made the wrong choice when I left college. God has a purpose for me, and whether I like it or not, it requires me to wait. There is a reason it is taking time. There is a reason I am put in certain situations. No matter how alone I feel on Earth... I am never alone. 

I encourage you to reach out to a friend this week. Check on them. We are all going through something even if it does not appear that way. Even if their life appears to be fantastic, it never hurts to check on them. Pray for each other. Everyone deserves to be prayed for... even your enemies. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

adoption - sister's view (pt. 2)

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all are destitute.

Proverbs 31:8

I do have updates about my life as a college dropout. However, I am still waiting on a few more things before I spill all the beans to you all. Also, I want to thank everyone who is reading and keeping up with my blog. I appreciate every single one of you. This is truly something I love doing, and I am so happy people are actually taking the time to read it. 

Anyways, it is time for part 2. As I mentioned in the last blog. I was a very stubborn kid, and I wanted more siblings. Those five years with my new sisters were great, but I was not 100% satisfied. So naturally being the annoying and persistent kid I was, I begged my parents to adopt once more. 

Finally one day, my parents decided to go through with another Ukraine adoption. We were going to adopt my brother, Dennis. He was eleven at the time. It was not a little baby/toddler again, but I was still happy. At the time of this adoption, I was thirteen. One thing to note is, adoption is not easy. It costs a lot of money, and can be extremely stressful. Not to mention, my parents had to go over there while Ukraine was becoming a war zone and protests were happening all around them. Now, that's comforting. 

Of course, I still was persistent on getting a toddler. I knew I was crazy, but I was having vivid visions and dreams. I told my mom about it, and explained I would do whatever it took to help bring another child home. I had this conversation while my dad was over in Ukraine finalizing Dennis's adoption. (A total of three trips were taken for his adoption. My mom and dad went the first time together. My dad went the other two times alone.)

Yeah, you are thinking, "Goodness, Grace! Give your parents a break lol." Turns out during the first trip there, our social worker showed them a picture of a little girl (two at the time). She asked if they would like to adopt her. Obviously, they said yes. They began a third adoption while finishing the second. So, if you have met my family and thought we were crazy, you were right. When I found out, I was freaking out. Four kids/three adoptions later, I was finally getting a little sibling. 

Remember my promise I made to my mom? Yeah, I lived up to it pretty well I would say. I renamed her, Lily Faith. (Her Ukrainian name was too similar to Kristen's, my older sister.) Lily Faith was three at the time she was brought home, and is now seven. To this day, I share a room with her and have gotten her ready for bed the past four years. My parents are the craziest and bravest people I know. I am who I am today because of the crazy journey of adoption we went through.

Side stories: My dad was at a store before they went to Ukraine for Dennis's adoption. At that time, my dad had feelings about adopting another child before he knew about Lily Faith. He told a man about Dennis's adoption. He never spoke a word about a second. The man asked if he could pray for my dad. A quote from the random man's prayer was, "... and maybe they can bring home a second." I don't know about you guys, but if someone told me they were adopting a child, my thought would not be, "Eh. One is not enough." My whole family believes God was speaking through that man. 

The last story is short and sweet, but the biggest miracle I have ever heard. As mentioned before, the time my parents went over to Ukraine, parts of the country were volatile. My parents were leaving in a plane to go to a different part of Ukraine with Lily Faith. Three days later, the airport they left from... was bombed and destroyed. 

Many adoptions were denied because of all this. We were approved for not one but two. God did crazy stuff throughout that journey. It would take many blogs to share all the miracles. My family is now the size it is supposed to be. It comes with challenges, but for the most part, we are one happy family. 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

adoption - sister's view (pt. 1)

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

Currently, I have no updates. I am still looking, applying, and praying for the perfect job. Since I want to post weekly, I decided it would be a good time to discuss what is most important in my life... FAMILY! 

As I mentioned before, I have a huge family. There is always someone to laugh with, cry with, argue with, and talk with. It is definitely crazy at times. It has its stressful moments. It has always been rewarding though. Here is one thing to note... we were not always a big family. Up until I was eight, we were only a family of five. It was just my parents, my older sister (Kristen), my older brother (Adam), and me. So what changed all of a sudden? How did we go from an average sized family to a family of nine?

Well, let me tell you. All my life I begged my parents for more siblings (preferably a baby LOL). I always told them we should adopt. Crazy enough, the day came where my parents decided we would. We were researching tons of places. We thought we were going to adopt from Africa. By this point, I had just turned nine. One day our agency called us, they had two girls from Ukraine on there way to America. They needed a home for three weeks. How could my parents say no? 

The girls arrived. Anastasia was ten. Dariya was nine. I was so excited, because to me, it was going to be like a prolonged sleepover. Those girls fit right in. We lived it up those three weeks. The dreaded day came when it was time for them to go back home to Ukraine. I had never cried so hard in my life. It was very late at night when we dropped the girls off with the agency. My mom stayed up with me till about four or five in the morning. I sobbed till I fell into unrestful sleep. I thought I would never see those girls who I had grown so close with. 

Ha, yeah right! A couple weeks go by, my mom sits me down to talk. Either we adopt the girls or we continue with Africa. This was about my best friends. So obviously, we continued the adoption with the girls, and the Africa adoption fell through. A couple months later, my whole family travels to Ukraine during Christmas, and the girls legally become part of our family. 

So now, I have two more sisters. Well, that only makes us a family of six. For five years, we were a family of six. I still wanted more siblings, but I always thought it would stop there. I never really lost hope... No matter how many times my parents told me no. (I have always been stubborn LOL.) 

Well, the time came when God finally decided that my parents were not going to listen to me, and He shared with my parents that our family was still a little to small. Stay tuned to find out major plot twists, and how my parents ended up with not just one more but two more. The story only gets crazier... 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

why did i drop out in the first place

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Jeremiah 29:11

Let me introduce myself a little. I am Grace. I love working with little kids. I have been in a relationship since I was 14. My boyfriend and I bought a dog together when I was 16, and it is my most prized possession lol. I have a huge family. There is a total of nine of us. I will break it down quickly. (I will probably make a blog post later specifically on the adoptions of each of my four siblings.)

1. My Dad
2. My Mom 
3. Kristen (sister, age 26)
4. Adam (brother, age 25)
5. Anastasia (sister, adopted, age 19)
6. Dariya (sister, adopted, age 18)
7. Me (age 18)
8. Dennis (brother, adopted, age 16)
9. Lily Faith (sister, adopted, age 7)

I have always been a good kid. I never got into a lot of trouble at home or at school. I got good grades. I had a total of 24 college credit hours by the time I graduated high school. I longed to be a preschool teacher. It was a strong passion of mine. I did two different internships at two different schools (elementary and preschool) during my time in high school. I had interned for a little over 90 hours. I loved interning at schools, but leading up to graduation, teaching just did not feel right anymore. I decided I would become a certified sonographer. 

All my life college always seemed to be a definite thing for me. I enrolled in my classes for the fall and bought my books. Still, I did not feel right. I prayed a lot. Leading up to my first week, I felt like God was really trying to guide me down a completely different path. I had told my family I did not want to go, and they just told me, "No one really wants to start." They assured me I was doing the right thing. As much as I wanted to believe I was doing the right thing, I just did not feel right. I could not picture myself a month into college. I could not picture myself becoming a sonographer. School started, and I went to class for a week. 

Kristen, my oldest sister, pulled me aside that Saturday afternoon to talk, and I told her I hated college. I told her I did not feel like I was doing what God wanted for me. She took me so seriously and understood why I felt that way. It was a shock to me, because I was literally in college for only a week. I was surprised that she did not tell me to wait it out. Later that Saturday evening, I talked to my boyfriend, and eventually, he also came to understand where I was coming from. Next, it was my parents. All my life I did everything I could to make them proud, and now, I had to tell them I wanted to drop out. I prayed. If God really wanted me to do this, my parents would support me and be totally cool with it. Late Sunday afternoon, I told them, and they supported me 110%. They even were listing off ideas of things I could do instead of going to college. By Tuesday, I was officially a dropout. 

Fast forward two weeks, I am now living happily. I am currently looking at being a full-time nanny or working at a daycare. I am waiting patiently for a job I know I will love and enjoy fully. God didn't bring me to this point to abandon me. This is only the beginning. For all my readers, please follow my journey. I will post updates, encouraging thoughts, and so much more. By the end of this year, I will be able to answer the question... Was it worth it? 

Let's talk! I love hearing your own stories and opinions! If you have any questions / comments / concerns that you would rather not comment down below, direct message me or email me!

Instagram : Newkindofliving

Email : Newkindofliving@gmail.com  

PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!